So as promised, here is part 3 of my February Love series. Now, this post is different then the others because this one is EVEN more a matter of my opinion. Yes, I know everything on this blog is my opinion, but this is especially so. Today I am going to talk a little bit about ROMANCE.
Those closest to me know that I am hugely, ridiculously, in love with romance. The thing that people often don’t realize is that my idea of romance is often very different than people would guess. I hope to help you all to get to know me a little better AND perhaps show you a different way of looking at romance.
So if a guy was ever to say to me that, “it was love at first sight,” or that, “we were destined to be together,” I would find that to be a rather big turn off. First off, I would know he was lying because I am not “that” kind of person. Second, I find those statements to be the very thing that kills romance. I know that sounds harsh, but I do have a rational behind it.
Love at first sight is a chemical reaction and that is fleeting and ever changing. I can buy that someone found a person to be attractive or intriguing the first time they saw them, but I can’t believe that it was love. I know that most often this is more of an expression, but I still find it super unromantic. Now I am more forgiving if someone says this, but I HATE when people use this next phrase.
When someone says, “we were destined,” or that, “we were meant to be,” I cringe. Statements like that make it sound like, “whelp, guess it’s you and me because that’s just the way it is.” YUCK!! I would never want anyone to be with me because that’s just the way it is SUPPOSE to be. I want the man I’m with to look at me and say, “you are beautiful and out of the MILLIONS of women in the world, I CHOSE YOU. Everyday I wake up and I choose to LOVE YOU. You’re the ONE I want.” To me, those words are so powerful and beautiful. Those words make me feel desirable. Love is hard and takes effort and when I meet the guy that I want to be with or marry, I want our relationship to be founded on something stronger than hormones. I mean really I want it to be founded in God and our love to be a reflection of his love for the church, but in this context I want it to be based in a choice. Which really does have to do with God because He often talks about how He CHOSE us before time began. There is just something about someone loving who you are so much that they would deny all other woman to be with you. THAT to me is romantic.
Now when it comes to wooing or romancing someone, the thing that one must keep in mind is that there is NO template. Every person is different and the way they are romanced is no exception. The only way you are going to woo someone is if you KNOW them. For example: a guy could be super gushy and say and do all the romantic stuff he wants to me and I would melt, but for my sister that would be a HUGE turn off. Her idea of romance (if I am wrong she can correct me) is curling up together with a glass of wine, after a nice cooked meal, and reading a good book together. He can buy her flowers or make her something, but if he gets too mushy, gushy then they’ve crosses the line.
As every person has a different love language, every person has a different romance style. If you really want to show someone that you love them, show them that you KNOW them. Everyone wants to be known in INTIMATELY, and showing that you know their love language and romance style demonstrates that. Romancing someone is just one way to show them how well you KNOW and LOVE them.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
Love Part 2: The Value of Valentines Day
So as I thought more and more about this month’s festivities, I decided that this topic of love would become a three part series; this being part two. Part one was about the meaning of Love, but this part is about Valentines Day as a holiday. What is its value?
So for a long time I have hated Valentines Day. Mostly because I am a romantic with no one to romance or be romanced by, but this year something changed. Not my relationship status, but rather my attitude and outlook. Believe it or not, one of the big things that changed my attitude was a scene from this week’s episode of Glee (yes I’m a nerd). There is a moment when two of the characters in the show are talking about Valentines Day and one says that he hates it, but the other says something about how it is a day that gives you courage to say how you feel about someone. At first I just thought that it was a cute sentiment, but then I thought about it in more personal way. Peter, forgive me if you read this and are embarrassed.
364 days out of the year my brother is not all that romantic, but the 14th of February hits and he pulls out all the stops. This year he has planned out a beautiful, immaculate, and romantic meal for this girl he likes. He has planned an appetizer, main course, dessert, and even a cocktail that he ordered a special garnish for way in advance. As he was describing this menu to me over the phone all I could think was, “I just wish a guy would buy me a box of chocolates!” Now don’t get me wrong, my brother has his moments the 364 days of the year, but it seems that there is just something about Valentines Day that gives him and guys like him a chance to lay it all out on the line. To be honest, I LOVE IT!!!
Part of me still longs for the Valentines Day when a man takes this day to try a woo me, but for now I will enjoy watching and listening to the stories of the people around me. And by no means do I think that this day should replace all the “I love you” moments of the rest of the year, but I do see it as a beautiful day in which people are given the courage to prepare “big acts” of love, emotion, or feeling (all depending on the place each couple is in their relationship).
Yes, I do think that Valentines Day has become very commercialized. Yet, if we take into consideration my last post (redefining Love) and combine it with Valentines Day, then commercialism shouldn’t matter. It is not about how much you spend on your gift, but rather how much of YOURSELF you put into it. If a guy cooked a meal for me like my brother is cooking for this girl, I wouldn’t be thinking, “wow. He must care cause he paid a lot for this food,” I would be thinking, “WOW. He must care a lot because of how much TIME he has spent on ME.”
I know that much of this probably seemed random and scatter brained and super cheese-tastic, but I just wanted to take a minute to recognize that there IS value in Valentines Day (something that I have often ignored). I also wanted to say that anyone can give a box of chocolates or a teddy bear, but it takes a person who really cares to give of themselves. So, I encourage you this year to give of yourself to the ones you love. Happy Valentines Day. ^_^
So for a long time I have hated Valentines Day. Mostly because I am a romantic with no one to romance or be romanced by, but this year something changed. Not my relationship status, but rather my attitude and outlook. Believe it or not, one of the big things that changed my attitude was a scene from this week’s episode of Glee (yes I’m a nerd). There is a moment when two of the characters in the show are talking about Valentines Day and one says that he hates it, but the other says something about how it is a day that gives you courage to say how you feel about someone. At first I just thought that it was a cute sentiment, but then I thought about it in more personal way. Peter, forgive me if you read this and are embarrassed.
364 days out of the year my brother is not all that romantic, but the 14th of February hits and he pulls out all the stops. This year he has planned out a beautiful, immaculate, and romantic meal for this girl he likes. He has planned an appetizer, main course, dessert, and even a cocktail that he ordered a special garnish for way in advance. As he was describing this menu to me over the phone all I could think was, “I just wish a guy would buy me a box of chocolates!” Now don’t get me wrong, my brother has his moments the 364 days of the year, but it seems that there is just something about Valentines Day that gives him and guys like him a chance to lay it all out on the line. To be honest, I LOVE IT!!!
Part of me still longs for the Valentines Day when a man takes this day to try a woo me, but for now I will enjoy watching and listening to the stories of the people around me. And by no means do I think that this day should replace all the “I love you” moments of the rest of the year, but I do see it as a beautiful day in which people are given the courage to prepare “big acts” of love, emotion, or feeling (all depending on the place each couple is in their relationship).
Yes, I do think that Valentines Day has become very commercialized. Yet, if we take into consideration my last post (redefining Love) and combine it with Valentines Day, then commercialism shouldn’t matter. It is not about how much you spend on your gift, but rather how much of YOURSELF you put into it. If a guy cooked a meal for me like my brother is cooking for this girl, I wouldn’t be thinking, “wow. He must care cause he paid a lot for this food,” I would be thinking, “WOW. He must care a lot because of how much TIME he has spent on ME.”
I know that much of this probably seemed random and scatter brained and super cheese-tastic, but I just wanted to take a minute to recognize that there IS value in Valentines Day (something that I have often ignored). I also wanted to say that anyone can give a box of chocolates or a teddy bear, but it takes a person who really cares to give of themselves. So, I encourage you this year to give of yourself to the ones you love. Happy Valentines Day. ^_^
Friday, February 4, 2011
The Meaning of L-O-V-E
Sorry I have not written for a while. I will try and make up for it.
As it is February I thought that I would write a few thoughts I have on love. Cliché I know, but I really do enjoy this topic. I could have an entire blog about love as I discover new things about it from my study of scripture and observing the people around me. With that said, I will try to keep it on track and to the point. Just know that it is no easy task.
What is Love to you? People say the word love all the time in all sorts of different contexts. Forget the word “love” and everything that those four letters strung together bring with it. What does it MEAN?
In thinking about this topic I decided to look up the dictionary definition. As I read it, I came to realize that I TOTALLY disagree with what they have to say about it. “A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.” That’s how dictionary.com defines it. Honestly, I read all the other sub definitions hoping they had anything better and they were all the along the same thing like endearment, warm feeling, deep appreciation, sex, ect. Sitting there I though, “THAT is not love! If that was what love is, I wouldn’t want anything to do with it. What they are talking about is shallow and fleeting. I want substance!”
I don’t mean to say that love is not those things, but they left out the most important thing that love is; it is an action. My definition of love is: “Caring for, respecting, valuing, and needing another person whom you can be honest and open with. When a person becomes an irreplaceable part in your life. A state in which you are willing to put them before yourself and investing in and contributing to their well being brings you joy.” At least in my mind it’s not about what you can get out of it, but rather what you can put into it.
Now for the vulnerable moment, I have never dated anyone and in turn I have never (by my own definition) loved any man. I have had the beginnings of love, but I have never been fully open and vulnerable with them and therefore cannot honestly say that I loved them. With that said, my definition extends to more than just romantic relationships. When I tell a friend or family member that I love them, I mean it in that way same way. It is obviously to slightly different degrees, but none the less it carries a lot of weight with me. That is why I don’t tell people that I love them very often. I love the line in Maid of Honor when Patrick Dempsey’s character says that his friend is an “I love you” slut when she criticizes him for never saying it. I know that every thing I said above may sound harsh or over dramatic (especially to my friends who I’ve never said that too), but I would rather be harsh and picky than be an “I love you slut” that says it when I don’t mean it.
So here are a few of the pictures of love that I love (no pun intended) the most. The majority of them are from the Bible, but I tried to add in some others. Also, these are all romantic examples.
Jesus and the World:
I know that He is kind of a “duh” choice to put in here, but He really is. Everything He ever did was for us. His love was so deep that it literally killed him. He forgives even when we don’t deserve it, chooses to love us despite our faults, and loves unconditionally!
Jacob and Rachel:
In Genesis 29-Jacob and Rachel fall in love and he agrees to work 7 years for her father just to have her become his wife. When her father tricks him and says that those 7 years were in order to marry his other daughter, Jacob agrees to work 7 more years!
Hosea toward Gomer:
Hosea’s wife Gomer turned away from him, had affairs, hurt him over and over and over. Despite all of that, he still loved her and never ended their marriage. His love was so great it made no sense. (Granted it was a reflection of God’s love for His people)
Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet:
Yes I am going there. What makes their love story so beautiful that they both had to lay down their pride and their prejudice (hence the name) in order to love and be loved. Darcy gave of himself both emotionally and financially in order to help Elizabeth and not because he knew it would make her love him (because he thought she never would), but because he loved her. In turn, she gave up her pride and admitted that she was wrong (which for a woman like her would not be easy) because of her love for him.
Tiana and Prince Naveen:
If you don’t know who these people are it’s because you haven’t seen The Princess and he Frog. So if you care, know that there are spoilers ahead. So what I like so much about them is how they both went from being self-centered to being self sacrificing. He is willing to marry a woman he doesn’t love in order to make Tiana’s dream come true and in the end she is willing to give up her dream so that he won’t have to marry the other woman and so that they can be together (even if that means staying frogs).
I know that this has been a longer post, but I am a hopeless romantic that loves to talk about love. Remember too that this is what I have found love to mean, but the question for you is to answer the question, “what does love mean,” for yourself.
I truly hope you find Love this Valentines Day! <3
As it is February I thought that I would write a few thoughts I have on love. Cliché I know, but I really do enjoy this topic. I could have an entire blog about love as I discover new things about it from my study of scripture and observing the people around me. With that said, I will try to keep it on track and to the point. Just know that it is no easy task.
What is Love to you? People say the word love all the time in all sorts of different contexts. Forget the word “love” and everything that those four letters strung together bring with it. What does it MEAN?
In thinking about this topic I decided to look up the dictionary definition. As I read it, I came to realize that I TOTALLY disagree with what they have to say about it. “A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.” That’s how dictionary.com defines it. Honestly, I read all the other sub definitions hoping they had anything better and they were all the along the same thing like endearment, warm feeling, deep appreciation, sex, ect. Sitting there I though, “THAT is not love! If that was what love is, I wouldn’t want anything to do with it. What they are talking about is shallow and fleeting. I want substance!”
I don’t mean to say that love is not those things, but they left out the most important thing that love is; it is an action. My definition of love is: “Caring for, respecting, valuing, and needing another person whom you can be honest and open with. When a person becomes an irreplaceable part in your life. A state in which you are willing to put them before yourself and investing in and contributing to their well being brings you joy.” At least in my mind it’s not about what you can get out of it, but rather what you can put into it.
Now for the vulnerable moment, I have never dated anyone and in turn I have never (by my own definition) loved any man. I have had the beginnings of love, but I have never been fully open and vulnerable with them and therefore cannot honestly say that I loved them. With that said, my definition extends to more than just romantic relationships. When I tell a friend or family member that I love them, I mean it in that way same way. It is obviously to slightly different degrees, but none the less it carries a lot of weight with me. That is why I don’t tell people that I love them very often. I love the line in Maid of Honor when Patrick Dempsey’s character says that his friend is an “I love you” slut when she criticizes him for never saying it. I know that every thing I said above may sound harsh or over dramatic (especially to my friends who I’ve never said that too), but I would rather be harsh and picky than be an “I love you slut” that says it when I don’t mean it.
So here are a few of the pictures of love that I love (no pun intended) the most. The majority of them are from the Bible, but I tried to add in some others. Also, these are all romantic examples.
Jesus and the World:
I know that He is kind of a “duh” choice to put in here, but He really is. Everything He ever did was for us. His love was so deep that it literally killed him. He forgives even when we don’t deserve it, chooses to love us despite our faults, and loves unconditionally!
Jacob and Rachel:
In Genesis 29-Jacob and Rachel fall in love and he agrees to work 7 years for her father just to have her become his wife. When her father tricks him and says that those 7 years were in order to marry his other daughter, Jacob agrees to work 7 more years!
Hosea toward Gomer:
Hosea’s wife Gomer turned away from him, had affairs, hurt him over and over and over. Despite all of that, he still loved her and never ended their marriage. His love was so great it made no sense. (Granted it was a reflection of God’s love for His people)
Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet:
Yes I am going there. What makes their love story so beautiful that they both had to lay down their pride and their prejudice (hence the name) in order to love and be loved. Darcy gave of himself both emotionally and financially in order to help Elizabeth and not because he knew it would make her love him (because he thought she never would), but because he loved her. In turn, she gave up her pride and admitted that she was wrong (which for a woman like her would not be easy) because of her love for him.
Tiana and Prince Naveen:
If you don’t know who these people are it’s because you haven’t seen The Princess and he Frog. So if you care, know that there are spoilers ahead. So what I like so much about them is how they both went from being self-centered to being self sacrificing. He is willing to marry a woman he doesn’t love in order to make Tiana’s dream come true and in the end she is willing to give up her dream so that he won’t have to marry the other woman and so that they can be together (even if that means staying frogs).
I know that this has been a longer post, but I am a hopeless romantic that loves to talk about love. Remember too that this is what I have found love to mean, but the question for you is to answer the question, “what does love mean,” for yourself.
I truly hope you find Love this Valentines Day! <3
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