So as the final installments of the Twilight series have begun to come out and it has sparked a lot of conversations and arguments. “Harry Potter is better”, “Twilight is stupid cause it was poorly written”, “those books and movies have no real value”, etc. I am by no means a “Twihard,” but I did enjoy and find value in the books and movies. Now after saying that, please don’t discount the rest of this blog. I am about to explain my opinion by being vulnerable and exposing an issue that has been my greatest struggle over the years. So, please don’t write this off because it is dealing with Twilight because it is also about me. Let me start by summing up the series from my perspective.
Bella Swan is utterly imperfect. So much so that many people can’t stand her as a character. She is awkward, clumsy, foolish, and thinks very little of herself. Through out the books she struggles with an issue that is extremely prevalent for young women around the world. She struggles with self worth. She meets a handsome, wealthy, seemingly perfect “man” who falls in love with her. Her. Out of every woman he has met in 169 (or whatever) years he chooses her. She can’t believe that anyone, let alone this man, could ever desire her. The people around her don’t see her like this, but that is why her issue is SELF worth.
A powerful moment for me is in the fourth book when she becomes a vampire and sees her new self in the mirror. She is radiant and flawless She tells Edward that she is beautiful now and he basically tells her that she is seeing her self for the first time how he has always seen her. Perfect.
I am not ashamed to say that I am Bella Swan. For about 19 of my 20 years of life I have struggled with self worth, to a degree that was crippling. I still have moments of relapse. I am overweight, not particularly good at anything, plain, and not all that intelligent. This is how I saw myself. I saw myself as never being worthy of the kind of man I would want to marry, the friendships I wanted to have, career, etc. Because of this view of myself I was consumed by fear. Fear that people didn’t really like me, that I would never do anything with my life, that I would fail, and that everyone around me found me as inadequate as I found myself. I didn’t peruse deeper friendships, I didn’t do the things I wanted to, and I let myself become a people pleaser. Twilight didn’t heal me, God did, but it was a fictitious representation of my struggles and I found comfort in that. It was a reminder that these issues that I struggled with are real issues shared by women (and I am sure men too) all over.
Jesus was my Edward. A “man” that is perfect, puts my needs above his own, willing to die for me, and loves me unconditionally; including my many flaws. It is in this love relationship that I began to realize that I had worth. The more he loves me, the more I believe that I have value. It is in this relationship that I have found healing.
As a Christian my prayer is that woman around the world would find their healing from a relationship with the creator, but if it has to begin with a fictional character, then maybe with a real person, and eventually find her true value in Christ; then so be it. I know what it feels like to feel worthless and insufficient and anything that can begin the healing is valuable to me.
I’m not saying that you have to like Twilight or anything, but I am asking that you not say that it holds no value. Not only does it have the possibility of belittling the struggles and opinions of girls who already don’t view themselves as valuable, but you are also damaging the one who created it. As a creator of art myself, I recognize that a little bit (or sometimes a lot) of yourself goes into what you make. What are you saying about, and to the “artist” when say that what they have put themselves into has no value, is pointless, and should never have been made?
We may not have the intention of hurting people when we say these things. We think, “it’s just my opinion about a book or movie. Why should anyone else care?” But our words sometimes have unseen effects. People said a lot of things during my life that were not meant to hurt me, but they did. We can’t always control the outcome of our words, but we can control what we say. So the point of this post was not to change your mind about Twilight itself, but rather to appeal to you as woman who has been healed from her issues of self worth to be conscious of your words and the effects that they may have on women who have not yet found the answers to their hurting. I may seem over dramatic to you, but I’m okay with that. If what I have said has even caused you to pause for a moment to think about these issues, then I have accomplished my goal.
So, yes. Yes I do think that Twilight has value. I also think that people have value. So the next time I go to express my opinion I am going to think twice about what I say and what effects it might have; because you never know what they might be struggling with and what those words might do. Who knows, maybe the words I choose to say might heal rather than hurt. Which outcome would you rather be a part of?
