Silver Lining

As I have been preparing for this trip to East Asia, I have come to realize some things about my personality. I use to be a germaphobic, hypochondriac, afraid of failure, well for that matter all around afraid to do anything. It stopped me from living, but I have to admit that there is a silver lining to everything. You can’t always see it right away through the pain, fear, anger, or hardship, but it is there waiting for YOU to discover it.

That 7 year period of time I have looked back on with hate and disgust, but as time goes and I reflect on it I learn more and more about who I am, who I don’t want to be, and who I want to strive to be. For if I hadn’t gone through all that I might be more apathetic, but instead I am hungry for life and what it has to offer. So this may seem strange, but I am in awe of how my Father is using my past and its wounds to help heal me.

So my latest discovery is that I am a boy scout. I know that because I am a girl I should be calling myself a girl scout, but I don’t know anything about the girl scouts (other than they sell some of the most delicious cookies ever) and so I don’t know if they’re mentality is the same. So I am packing and I just keep thinking, “Always be prepared. I just want to be prepared.” There are aspects of this trip that bother me because I don’t know how to prepare for them. I have spent some time stressing about it, but on the eve of this adventure I realized something VERY important. It is an ADVENTURE. When you go on an adventure you can’t really be prepared for everything that is going to be thrown your way. Some of my favorite things to talk about are all the injuries I have gotten over the years from soccer. I was not prepared for any of them, they hurt, some of them were scary, but I always got back on the field and played through it.

So I have realized that I need to be the soccer player AND the boy scout. There is nothing wrong with being prepared, but when I do take a hit I need to get back up and keep playing; even through the pain. It is and never will be easy, there are times I have to remind myself daily not to let my past stop me or not to fall back into it, but my greatest tools are hope and confidence in a Father who will help me up and teach me how heal my battle scares. There is always is always a silver lining, we just need to wipe the tears from our eyes so that we can see it. ^_^